DTC & Valuable Lessons....

The Hardings have officially become DTC!! This in the international adoption world is a HUGE step in bringing home our baby! DTC means "Dossier To China." Our Dossier is a giant package of paperwork that we have completed. All the documents have been checked, and rechecked! Originals are enclosed, and ALL of it goes to China! There it will be translated, and the Chinese government will issue us an official approval on Asa. That means that they have accepted us as adoptive parents to Asa, and are officially giving us permission to take him home! It has taken roughly eight months to get all of the paperwork and United States approvals, and now it is all in the hands of the Chinese government. I never thought I would see this day EVER sometimes. Let me walk you down a little unknown road for some of you. Adoption is exhausting. Not so much physically exhausting, but completely mentally exhausting. It consumes your mind all.the.time. Every situation you experience, you relate it to your adoption. The what-if's consume your mental capacity at every turn. There comes a time when you are so vested into it, that it is impossible to turn away. I have hit that moment a few times during these eight months. One day in particular {Wednesday, 2 days ago} I was completely ready to just Q.U.I.T! This is just TOO MUCH for me to have inside of my head!! I snapped the head off of my husband for easily thirty minutes. I threw my temper tantrum, because I am a fallen woman, in a fallen world, and for ONCE I just wanted it to be as easy as everyone made it look! But, it's not folks. It's just not. Maybe if you are a second timer, third timer, you may just have the road paved, and it is smooth sailing for you. But, for this girl, the road is NOT paved. It is hard, dirty, and filled with rocks. Take a seat because I am about to throw down the real to you. I have a cynical heart. It is THE ONE thing, I struggle to lay down at the Cross, all the time. I ask for prayer for it, I also pray myself for it. But, it is filled with cynicism, distrust, and I struggle to fill it with Truth. A lot of it comes from my childhood and growing up, and a lot comes from just living in a sinful world. Integrity is NOT a word that is honored anymore in our time. Most people tell you what you want to hear, or they are too busy hiding behind facades. Nothing and nobody is just REAL anymore. That makes it hard for a girl with a cynical heart. So back to two days ago. I was suffering from a real cynic attack, regarding this whole adoption thing. I was jus tired of NOT KNOWING answers. I feel like sometimes giving a class on how to be black and white, and living out of the GREY! Yes or no. True or false. Those answers. But, unfortunately, if you want those kind of answers, adoption won't give them to you. For the rest of the day I dove head first into the quick sand of life, and honestly I just felt like sinking. I just allowed that heaviness to weigh on me, and I even asked God, why do you allow all of this?! Why! And, in the next hours He taught me that lesson. Sometimes, you just have to drop all of your junk down, and PRAISE HIM! Just praise Him for what He is, and WHO He is! Thankfully, it was easy to do that on Wednesday night, as it is choir rehearsal. I hate going into choir with issues, because I cannot stand fake worship. I just told myself, just worship Him tonight, Erin. Simply for what He has done, so far. Well, wouldn't you know, we were practicing some really, really, really good worship songs! So as bedtime came, I was able to repent of my heart issues for the day, and just say Thank You. Awake to Thursday! After the kids got off to school, I started reading in 1 Peter, and then in my daily reading Psalm 145 was what was prescribed reading for the day. I closed it, without reading it, deciding to come back to it later. Boy. I tell you. We serve a God who is all about the details people. Sometimes, He has a word for you, but it has a specific time. It's just for us, at exactly the right time. My day went along, and we got the news of DTC, yesterday. What wonderful, exciting, glorious news! But, I mean honestly, I knew it was coming. We knew our Dossier was headed to China, any day now. So was it like out of the blue shocking? No. But, I can't help but think the lesson God wanted to teach me, was. So as soon, as I got home I picked up Psalm 145, and read.
I will exalt You, my God and King, and PRAISE Your Name forever and ever. 
I will praise You every day; YES, I will praise You forever. 
GREAT is the LORD! He is MOST WORTHY of praise! NO ONE can measure His greatness. 
Let each generation tell it's children of Your mighty acts; let them proclaim Your power.
I will meditate on Your majestic, glorious, splendor and Your wonderful miracles.
Your AWE-INSPIRING deeds will be on every tongue; I will proclaim Your greatness.
Everyone will share the story of Your wonderful goodness; they will sing with joy about Your righteousness. 
The LORD is MERCIFUL and COMPASSIONATE, SLOW to get ANGRY and FILLED WITH UNFAILING LOVE. {this gets me every time}
The LORD is GOOD to EVERYONE. He SHOWERS compassion on ALL HIS CREATION.
All of Your works will THANK YOU, Lord, and Your FAITHFUL followers will praise You. 
They will speak of the glory of Your kingdom; they will give examples of Your power. 
They will tell about Your mighty deeds and about the majesty and glory of Your reign.
For Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom. You rule throughout all generations.
The LORD ALWAYS KEEPS HIS PROMISES; HE IS GRACIOUS IN ALL HE DOES. {I mean somebody say AMEN!}
The LORD helps the fallen, {wait for it!!} AND LIFTS THOSE BENT BENEATH THEIR LOADS. {cue tears!!}
The eyes of all look to You in hope; You give them their food as they need it. 
When You open Your hand, You satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.
The LORD is righteous in EVERYTHING He DOES; he is FILLED WITH KINDNESS.
The LORD is CLOSE TO ALL WHO CALL ON HIM, YES, TO ALL WHO CALL ON HIM IN TRUTH.
HE grants the desires of those who FEAR HIM; HE HEARS THEIR CRIES FOR HELP and RESCUES them.
The Lord protects ALL (all is ALL in the greek and hebrew) WHO LOVE HIM, but He destroys the wicked.
I WILL PRAISE THE LORD, and may everyone on earth BLESS HIS HOLY NAME FOREVER AND EVER.

That's how you fill a cynical heart full of Truth. Right there. And He is so gracious to KEEP providing the truth to me, over, and over, and over again. So much more comes through adoption than just getting sweet children. It comes with lessons from God, too. Big lessons. I may struggle with a cynical heart, but when I fall to the ground, shave my head, and "Praise the name of the Lord!" {Job 1:20-21 ref.} He will meet you right there in the ashes, and set you back on solid ground. I promise. And for the entire day before we got the news of DTC, I sang this song. About 17 times. Over and over. Excellent, Incredible, Omnipotent, Infallible!