Adoption. The Hard Part.

I think that there always comes a moment when you have to really sit back and ask yourself, is this really worth it? Is it really worth all this pain? Then I look back to many a marathons, half marathons, 10K's, triathlons, I have trained and raced. The one thing that I always said to myself when I reached the point of being ready to quit, "if this was easy, everyone would be doing it." And, that is how I feel right now. I then look back at all the Lord has brought me through, and all of the endurance training He has been putting me through. It's for moments such as this. That moment when you get the phone call from your Social Worker, not for the promising referral of a little girl (which we thought it was), but to tell you that your agency has made THE decision to not let you bring home two children at once. And, that decision is final. For months and months, we have been preparing to bring home a little boy & a little girl, but for this time we will only be bringing home Asa. I would like to say however, this has nothing to do with myself or Todd. This was an across the board decision made for the entire China program of our agency. So I am sure there are others who will be receiving the same news. Gosh. It hurts. It hurts a lot. We have spent so much time, preparing for two. Praying for two. I mean we went into this with a word from the Lord about adopting two children. I mean we asked all the right questions, we followed EVERYONE'S rules. This just is just not the time. It is not God's perfect timing. Telling the kids tonight was very hard, but it also showed me just HOW FAITHFUL the God I serve and know is. After my sweet Taryn's sobfest in the backseat of the car. She was able to recall scripture, and the story of Job. She was able to see that Job, our perfect example of how to conduct ourselves in trials, was relevant to this very situation. She was able to see Him. We were able to talk about how no matter what goes on down here on earth, HE. is.still. God. HE is still on the THRONE! I could almost hear myself, the words of The Lord in Job, "where were you when I created the Heavens and the Earth?"  And in Isaiah, "for my thoughts are NOT your thoughts, and My WAYS are not your ways." It is so very humbling. It is so easy for me to almost crumble in a heap of my own sorrows. Sort of like Job too. Just sitting in the dirt, scraping off his skin with broken clay pots. Beaten down, tired of playing the game. Just wanting to find out WHY the Lord is allowing all of this to happen to us. Then I read this and it changes everything. 

Psalm 91:4b (NLT) " His FAITHFUL PROMISES are YOUR armor and protection." 

Hang it up. That's all I needed to hear. Because I KNOW my GOD is not a liar, and I won't be the first one He lies to! I have promise on top of promise. We will keep on praying, and seeking on how to bring home our little girl, who is somewhere out there. We don't know where or when we will meet her, but as of now we will celebrate our son who is waiting for us to come get him. We know that God's sovereign hand is upon our whole journey. Asa coming to us is nothing short of completely His plan, and we are thankful and so grateful. Please continue to pray for our family as we endure the hard parts of this journey called adoption.