The Orphan Company.

Let me start off by giving you a little bit of a background on this amazing God thing. A few months ago, one of my dearest friends came to me, telling me of this brilliant idea that her daughter Madeline had. God had laid upon her daughter's heart an idea to raise money for the orphan by selling handmade bracelets, and brownies, and donating the proceeds to to the cause of the orphan. What a great idea, right?! Let me mention to you that Madeline is 10 years old, AND she herself was an orphan. Her goal was to raise one hundred dollars, and donate it to her sweet cause. Because her mother Diane, is one of my closest friends, I knew that she would support her sweet daughter in anyway she could. For the next three months, they made these...

And began taking personal orders for custom colors, and thus began "The Orphan Company." Oh how my heart leapt for this sweet little girl's heart, filled with ZEAL for the orphan and the call of the Gospel! About two weeks into the birth of The Orphan Company, I was approached by Madeline at church, and she ever so boldly announced to me, "Ms.Erin! I have decided that the money I earn from the sales of my bracelets and brownies, I want to donate to your family to help bring home Asa & Ember."  I completely lost it. Because at that moment in time, I felt like saying "are you sure?!" "surely there is a more worthy family?" Until, God said, "DON'T YOU DARE, ERIN! You would be stealing away HER blessing, and YOU will miss YOUR chance to SEE ME move in the land of the living!" So I humbly accepted her sweet offer, and watched her skip away with her gallon sized, Ziploc bag, filled with handmade bracelets, a smile from ear to ear, and her sweet goal of raising 100 dollars for MY babies. 

Today, we met for lunch to celebrate Madeline's 10 year Gotcha Day, and on HER Gotcha Day, The CEO of The Orphan Company, presented (by way of tricky-ness) to The Harding Family, this....

Inside of the Chinese take-out box, was nearly $400!!! FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS!!! Did you hear me?! Okay, and get this...The Orphan Company donated the same amount to another family who is leaving in two weeks for China!!! What started out as asking God to raise 100 dollars for one family, turned into blessing TWO families with close to 400! That is GOD's economy! And, I got to witness exactly what the scripture says in Ephesians 3:20 {NLT} " Now ALL GLORY to God, WHO IS ABLE, through HIS mighty power at WORK within us, to ACCOMPLISH INFINITELY more than we might ASK or THINK." I was just awestruck. This was all birthed within the heart of a 10 year old orphan who has been REDEEMED through adoption. This is what it is all about folks. AND, our Lord, knew all of this from the beginning of time. He orchestrated our blessing, and HER blessing. We have been grafted into a family that only God's hands could create, and I get to SEE it! Psalm 27:13 {NLT} " Yet, I am confident I WILL SEE the LORD's GOODNESS while I am HERE in the land of the living." It NEVER comes back empty. His WORD always holds true. Always. I am learning and learning that if you CLING to the promises of The Lord, you WILL witness them. When I first read Psalm 68:6, and it says that GOD places the lonely in FAMILIES, I myself CLUNG to that promise for myself, even before He called us to adopt. And, let me testify to it. HE has placed US in a Family. A most special family. It is one filled with believers, who will be our family here on earth, and when we go home to be with our Lord and Savior. God places His children in ETERNAL families. He has woven our lives with people who are so dear to me, that I wish I could boast about choosing! But, if I could, HE would not get the Glory! I could have never chosen THIS PLACE, THIS CHURCH, THESE PEOPLE! Never. Ever! But, this girl's heart is overflowing with humility and thankfulness tonight for one sweet girl and her obedience to a call. Thank You Orphan Company. You and your family mean more to us than you will EVER know in this lifetime. You are the example of what it means in Matthew 6:20-21. Storing up for yourself treasure IN HEAVEN.

An Aching Mommy Heart...

A few days ago, I was so blessed to receive a few photos from another waiting adoptive Mommy. Her daughter is in the same orphanage as my sweet boy. Her daughter had a birthday, and she like so many other waiting Mommy's are allowed to send a birthday care package through our agency. This is a tremendous blessing I am sure to all involved. Todd and I have already begun thinking of what kind of care package we could send Asa! Well, the orphanage celebrated her birthday, and also was so kind to send back photos of this little girl's party to her waiting Mommy. As God would have planned it, we just so happen to belong to an online group for children being adopted out of Shijiazhuang City, China. She is also a member of this online group, so she proudly posts her baby's birthday photos! But, wait...what are those familiar pink flowered sandals I see?!?!? Could that be my baby boy at a birthday party?!?! YES! About 5 photos of him celebrating a sweet orphanage friend's birthday. Oh how my heart ached and leapt when I saw the pictures! I did not even know how to handle the flood of emotion. He was so healthy looking. So ornery looking!! My Asa. MY ASA!! My baby who feels a million miles away, at a birthday party. I am not even going to pretend I know what is going on inside of me, but it is just incredible. When people would tell me how they just missed their unknown child, or how they would cry at the drop of a hat, I just didn't get it. I can say now, I SO GET IT. I start to cry for no reason when I think about him. I get a deep, empty, pit feeling in my stomach. I just want to occupy my mind with anything but thoughts of him, because I miss him so much. I want to hold him in my arms, and smooch him, and smell him, and never put him down. As tears just flow down my face, I feel my heart breaking, for someone I have never met. It can only be The Lord. What work are you doing in me Lord? What have you started in this Mommy? I panic when I see the amount of money it will cost to bring you to me, but have peace that transcends all understanding, because you were given to me, by someone that holds ALL the power. The love I have for you was birthed in my heart by The One who lives there. I just knew I had to write this down for you Asa, how you haven't yet seen my face, but I love you so much. I understand now. I understand that "WE LOVE because HE FIRST LOVED US!" How this verse comes alive to me, and I hope to you someday. I pray that you are warm, and that you are safe, but I already KNOW you are LOVED. Oh, what plans The Lord has for you sweet boy! I am already in love with your sweet caramel colored skin, your deep brown eyes, and ebony hair. I am in love with your ornery personality, and melt your heart smile. When I see you, I see how our Faithful Lord, hand picked you for this family, and the exhausting journey it has been to just get to THIS very moment. But, I know that it will be all worth it. All of it. Every copper penny spent, every tear shed, and every moment I crumble until you are home. Tonight, I am clinging to Psalm 103:17 "But the LOYAL love of YAHWEH is from everlasting to everlasting ON THOSE WHO FEAR HIM, and HIS righteousness to their children's children." It is humbling me more and more each day, as I watch the pages of a love story being written. Bless the LORD, O' my Soul. 

First Homestudy Visit Complete & A Big FOUR O Surprise!

I have been trying to put into action my good intentions. For awhile now, I have sloughed off on the blogging because we have had a plethora of things we have had to deal with since we moved into our house. But, because I truly want to document this adoption process, AND because all of you that keep up with our family have asked me several times what is going on with our adoption. Todd and I had to make the tough decision to move agencies. Not that we disliked the agency we originally signed with, it was based on some very key things. The first being that they did not have a license to serve families in the state of Georgia. We were under the impression that they would be getting a license very soon, but it was taking a very long time. We honestly were getting tired of waiting. We have been trying to add to our family for over three years now, and we had prayed about adoption for a year. It was time. So Todd called and broke the news. Our social worker Emily had given us some information about another agency that DID have a license in Georgia, was very ethical, and was in the business of not just getting children adopted, but giving the Gospel. We filled out the paperwork, cut a check, and we were back in business! I wish I could convey to people how overwhelming this whole process is. The mounds of paperwork, the background checks, the running around, the correspondence. It is a lot. We had started much of our homestudy paperwork with our previous agency Small World. When we switched over to Lifeline (our new agency) we felt very defeated. We knew that we would have to start the process all over from the very beginning. I tell you what, I almost came close to throwing in the towel. Tapping out. Questioning our call to adoption. Exactly what the enemy wanted. So I pulled out my big girl panties, and we dove into the mountainous paperwork once again. If it wasn't for Todd's amazing paperwork organization, we might be 100 years old before we ever adopted if I was in charge of all that. Todd was able to sift through the paperwork, prioritize, and execute. We literally plowed through our first round. All of the credit for that round goes to my amazing husband. I am telling you, he amazes me. We were able to schedule our first homestudy visit this past Monday, and we will have four total visits. What I loved so much about our first visit was that Emily was able to breakdown a timeline for us. We know that there are a lot of unknowns ahead, but because China's adoption is very consistant compared to other countries, the agency sort of already knows what questions they will ask, and what they expect from prospective adopting parents. Todd and I love that part the most. When it comes to surprises, about things we invest time and lots of money in, we prefer that we just do what you ask, pay whatever you ask, and we are done. No surprises. Even though adoption comes with surprises (I will refer you back to said agency change) God comes back to us with His peace. He wants us to learn something in this process. He is REALLY working on me, folks. I mean R.E.A.L.L.Y. When I first started the process with our first agency, I was very unemotional, unmoved, just going through the motions type of thing. NOW, my heart is aching. My mind is racing. My eyes long to see a photo. My brain longs to know a face so I can give them a name. My arms ache to hold. We are moving closer friends. If we plow through paperwork, the rest of the homestudy visits, immigration, FBI fingerprints, we could be finished with our homestudy by the end of September. WE could possibly have our Dossier finished by Thanksgiving, and logged in by Christmas. Then after that, we wait for matching, and then after we are matched, we WAIT for China's approval. Which folks that is what takes a huge chunk of time. Once we are approved, then we FLY to get our children! So please pray. I am excited to share with you our journey. I want to really write this stuff down because, one day I want to show my babies what we were going through before they came to us. I am however very lackadaisical when it comes to writing things down! I will try to post a blog for every major milestone in the adoption, and also what God is teaching me!

I am including this next topic into the same post because, I was completely caught off guard, moved, uttered speechless, by some great people that I love! First off, let me explain to you, JUST HOW HARD it is to surprise me. Todd has been attempting this feat for 13 years. Mainly, for things like gifts. Not so much for events. Every year for my birthday, or Christmas, I just give Todd a list of things I would like to have, and he ALWAYS picks something from that list. So never really a surprise. If we are going somewhere, I usually have to know about it. Because I am the one who plans, and Todd is the one who executes the plans. I am not by any means saying I wish that it was different. I don't. I have grown to LOVE knowing things in advance, so I CAN plan for them. I am a planner. Well, my fortieth birthday is on July the 19th. I never have any type of hoopla for my birthday. Which never bothered me, because I am usually in different places for them all.  Todd usually takes me to a nice restaurant, we take the kids usually, and they give me a card and a gift, and we call it a night. This time I assumed that it was going to be the same. Todd called me from work like last Monday, and said to me he made reservations for Henry Campbell Steakhouse. Which here in Albany, is a very nice restaurant, and it is very expensive, so we only go for birthday's and anniversary's. So I was like "Sounds Great!" Fast forward to tonight. Todd made sure to tell me that I should dress up and be ready to go by 6:15. No problem. Got it down. We pack the car full of Todd, myself, the kids, and my Mom who is in town for a little visit. We head over to HC, which by the way is next door to a restaurant called Shogun. It's my favorite place to eat sushi. While we pull up into the parking lot, I see a good friend of mine walking into Shogun. I call her name, but she did not respond. I think "oh well, she didn't hear me, I will just text her." Todd is like "just poke your head in and say hello." I am like "it's okay!"" I can just text her." So Todd opens us the the door to Shogun, and I see another good friend of mine, Kendra. I was like HEY!!! I said "I just saw Cara walking in too!" "What are you doing here?" Kendra says she is on a date with her hubby, do I want to say hello to Zak? I was like sure I can do that!! Well, I get inside, and I see a huge table with about 17 of my closest friends, and in my heart I got all of a sudden sad. Because, I was like "WOW, all of my friends are eating out together tonight, and they didn't invite me!" Then, I said, (to myself) well "they must know I was going to HC for my birthday." Then the entire group yelled SURPRISE!!!! They were there for me! I lost it. Half shocked that someone pulled this off, and I.had.no.clue. and that I was so surrounded by such love, I was overwhelmed. Todd kissed me goodbye, grabbed the kiddos, and I sat down to an amazing night. I laughed so hard, and cried so much!! The cards, and gifts, and the web of deceit and secrecy!! It was so full awesome!! Ya'll!! I just have to speak about the cards! I received some of the most heartfelt cards from these beautiful women, that I wish I could take a snapshot of, and post them all here for you. Cards so full of love and writing that my heart could not take it. As tears stream down my face right now!!! I will cherish and keep them always. The gifts. Oh my gosh, I was just floored by how much love went into picking out each one. Things that I love the most, carefully handpicked. I was a mess. I still am a mess. When I went to bed last night, all I could muster to pray was "Thank You Lord. Thank You Father." Because I was so incredibly blown away, and so thankful at who the Lord has put into my life. He does redeem folks!! Last night was proof of how much. From a loner girl who grew up in utter dysfunction, chaos, and never knowing Christ, to turning 40 with the love of so many pouring out, and Christ at the center of it all! I will never, ever, forget that. Here are a few photos from the night!

But, As For Me And My House...

"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, then CHOOSE for yourselves today WHOM you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for ME and MY HOUSE, WE WILL SERVE The LORD." Joshua 24:15 (NASB)

home (n). The place where one lives permanently.
How we have been blessed! God has given us a HOME! This is my very first one that has my very own name attached to it!!  The one and only thing I have ever wanted since I was a little kid. It is a bit overwhelming at the moment. We moved in almost three weeks ago, and are still no where near being settled in, which if you know me,  is about to drive this girl INSANE in the BRAIN! {insert Cypress Hill dance break} You all KNOW you sang that after I typed that line. Don't lie. I don't feel that we have had a chance to sit back, take a breath, but we will soon enough I am sure. I am so thankful for being able to have gone through this process, and I feel that I will be going through it again..ummmm..never. I think know I have figured out my problem. In my own little world, I can control how things are done on a day to day basis, and what I figured out during this process is that other people do NOT have the high standard I strive to attain to. I don't say I am finished with something, and it not be truly finished. Finished to where I have double and triple checked the quality of my work. This probably has been the hardest part of the whole process for us, AND it just confirms to me that when my trust is put in the Lord Jesus, He NEVER fails. During my many freak out moments building this house, Todd had to constantly remind us that when we drove past this...

God told me "that's yours." So I just clung to that, and every single time I worried something was not right, or I had made this decision and had not heard the Lord correctly, He showed up. Confirming His hand each and every time. It was through a lot of prayer  that I needed Him to confirm to me that this little town was for sure going to be IT for us. We stepped out in Faith, huge! Huge. We had no idea if and when Todd would be gainfully employed, but Todd had a promise from the Lord, and I begrudgingly  willingly pushed forward full steam ahead! Now Look!! He has kept every single promise to us! He provided everything. Everything. TO INCLUDE gainful employment!! Oh how our faith was strengthened yet again, and how completely unwilling I am to not be in His will. Being not in God's will freaks me out more than you know. I may have mini panic attacks during the sanctification process, but I KNOW He is faithful.  Out of the will of God spells complete DISASTER. Nope. Not willing to assemble that 6 million piece puzzle.

It seems like so long ago that we drove past our little shell of a house, and I am ready to see God move again. Our next adventure is bringing home our sweet babies. More mini panic attacks for sure! Our prayer many times is that we hope people will invest in us, and allow us to invest in people. Todd and I enjoy that so much. I mean how fun is life if you just hoard, and never share? It's not fun it's horrible. A lesson I am diligently trying to make our children see! It's still not coming to fruition, but I hope one day it will! So friends, come. Come enjoy fellowship, laughter, food, and family. We are just a small family of four, and we seek to add to it! However the Lord adds, we are all in! And if I am honest, I pray that people will start to see us more as family. "God places the lonely in families." Psalm 68:6 says. We know that even though our blood family is not part of our lives, God can give us a family. Here. Right here, in THIS place. The Holy Spirit and you friends are Welcome Here! And if The Holy Spirit doesn't entice you. Hey! We got a pool!!

Five Years Old...

On Easter Sunday I will turn 5 years old. That day marks the day that 2 Corinthians 5:17 became a reality in my life. "This means anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" (NLT Translation) Oh! And what a change He has done in this life! A change that I with all my might can barely put into English words. A transformation. A cause for me wanting to literally CELEBRATE at random times throughout each day. A hunger deep in my stomach to find out ALL I can about this person I call so many beautiful names. I AM. Yahweh. Jehovah. Lion of Judah. Beloved Son of God. Creator. Wonderful Counselor. Jesus Christ. Oh if you know Him, how those names make your heart beat so fast. It is that name that makes me cry, leap, stand, praise! But why? How? Because He called me. And I said, "yes." That is it.

I remember so vividly that call. Completely unwilling to believe the "hokiness" of Jesus Christ. The most crazy story anyone had ever thought up. The scoffing I was so able to do at the idea of a Supernatural Creator, who also just happened to LOVE me. What a joke. And, to just put the icing on the cake, ANYONE who believed in that junk, OBVIOUSLY was not smart enough to be a free thinker, and was just following a crowd. That was until, my heart was pierced. Until, he SO lovingly, whispered to me "If you stand up, it will ALL go away." My Lord was referring to what was happening to me physically while I was hearing the Gospel being preached, on Easter Sunday. And, may I say so lovingly, this was no hyped up sermon, no bells, no whistles. It was a man, with an open bible, speaking the Gospel. That is it. A Gospel, I DID NOT EVEN UNDERSTAND. It was like a foreign language being spoken, and I was counting the minutes down until I could say I checked the box and went to church on Easter Sunday! I was ready to get this show on the road! But, oh how my plans are not my own. How I began to sweat profusely at the name of Jesus. How I began to feel nauseous, at the name of Jesus. How the Pastor began to answer my questions inside of my head, at the name of Jesus. How I, and my hands began to shake nervously, at the name of Jesus. And, then He spoke. Directly into my spirit. "If you stand up, it will ALL go away." And, well you know....I was so obedient. NOT. I decided to argue with this voice for a minute. Ummm, are you crazy!! I am NOT standing up! I am perfectly fine sitting here sweating, shaking, and about to throw up! But, I of course was not, okay. I then saw my sin. I saw who I was. What I was. And the symptoms became worse. I started to weep, and in that instant, I KNEW the Truth. I stood up, scooted by about 4 sets of knees, and found myself walking to the front of a church I had never been to, and said "I surrender." Thats it. I became SOLD OUT to something that was literally a joke to me an hour before I sat down in that chair. Do you think I am nuts? Do you think I am crazy? Because I can tell you that I am certainly not. I haven't done anything on my own. I actually giggle sometimes because I could have NEVER done any of that on my own, not one time, ever in this lifetime. And you know what else? I finally understood. I finally had clarity. I finally had PEACE. The scripture describes how when Paul was confronted on the road to Damascus, Jesus made him blind, and then three days later, the book of Acts describes Paul's regaining of his sight as he was filled with the Holy Spirit, and something like scales fell from Paul's eyes. (Acts 9:17-18 NLT) It was exactly that way for me. I felt as if I was confused (blind) and then after I said "yes", the scales fell from my eyes, and I could understand (see). How many times have you heard, "I was blind, but now I see?" Words that really are full of truth!

Five years gone, and it has been one amazing journey after another. The Lord has worked and worked in THIS GIRL'S life. Over and OVER! I have learned so much about my Yahweh. My I Am. How He loves me. How He has loved me. How He loves my family. How He loves, just loves. Has it been a garden of rose petals, and rainbows, walking with Him? No. It has been hard. But, each time I see how hard it is, my burden is lifted slightly, and I search for Him. I look for Him. I talk His promises back to Him. I sing to Him. I worship Him. I talk to Him. I cry to Him. Because only HE fills up that void in me. It's the darndest thing!! And, because HE.IS.WORTHY!

If you don't know Him, can I just be bold enough to say, "you are missing out." I can't tell you what you are missing out on, because I do not know the plan He has for you. But, if it is anything like His Word says it is, it's pretty darn big! And, it is pretty darn meaningful! And, I know how it feels to be in His plan, and I would not trade being in His plan for not.one.earthly.thing. Everyone has a price? Nope. When you can say, there is nothing, not one price you would trade for Him. That is saving faith. The PEARL the man had and buried in a field, and then sold all he had to buy the field to uncover the pearl once again!! (Matthew 13:44 NLT)

Easter Sunday is truly a day where my heart could literally explode! Won't you just go? Won't you just kill your pride for 1 measly hour, for the possibility for eternity? Hear, hear what He did for YOU! 

"Can You Just Be Happy For Me?"

Will you allow me to just pour my heart out for a minute? Will you allow me to be just completely transparent and real with you all? I am hurt. I am really hurting inside. I just want to know, when did we as human beings, and even the Body of Christ, stop being genuinely happy for someone when God pours out blessings? Because, I feel as if God is pouring out blessing on me and my family after over 3 years of trial,  and I feel as if I am being interrogated at every side because of it. Why can't I get a hug instead of whispers? Can you be thrilled for me because I am about to own my very first home, at the age of 39? Is it asking to much for you to be ecstatic for the child(ren) we are adding to our family, even if from around the globe? Why is it your responsibility to make sure we are following a biblical calling, and what scripture we have as proof? What I so desperately want is for  people to be encouraging me right now, because trust me, what you don't know is, I am ALREADY my own worst enemy. I already say to myself, "Who am I Lord?" "Why me Lord?" I don't need extra help to bring ME down. I do that just fine on my own. Please don't think that I do not struggle with if "God has got this right." Because if anyone knows how blessed they are it is me! Romans 12:15 (ESV) "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." And, doggonnit I want to REJOICE right now!! Won't you rejoice WITH me? Won't you stop commenting on where I am building my house, or how big my house is, or how much money we are spending on our house? Won't you stop assuming that adopting from China is a fleeting, spur of the moment decision? Won't you rejoice that for the first time in my life, I am settling down and planting roots? Won't you rejoice that I will be settled in one place, and not having to move every three years, which I have done since the tender age of 17! Won't you shout for joy that I am going to grow my family, with orphans! Won't you be in awe of the Awesomeness of our Lord, and how he has worked MIGHTILY in my life to bring to the place I am at right now?! Because, GAH-LEE, I am overwhelmed with His goodness to me!! And tomorrow I may want to weep, and if that is the case, won't you weep with me? For my sweet friends who have loved on us, rejoiced with us, been excited for each step we are taking right now, THANK YOU! I am so thankful for how God has strategically placed you in our lives. And, in conclusion, I would hope that anyone who is willing to get to know me would know, I will ALWAYS rejoice with you, and ALWAYS weep with you.

Accepted.

Well, by no means did I expect on writing two blog posts in the same day, BUT....this really needed to be put into print. As I published my first post this morning, I immediately received an email in my inbox, which the first paragraph looked something like this.

Good Morning Mr. and Mrs. Harding,

Thank you for your recent application. Upon review of your recent application, we have found it to be in accordance with requirements of both Small World and China, the country in which you are interested and intend to pursue. Congratulations!


So, Erin? What does that mean exactly? Well, it has to mean something good, because the word Congratulations! is used. And THAT is always a good sign! It means we are officially with an adoption agency, and we are officially in the China program! I feel so very excited nauseous. Mostly from the giant packet of paperwork my sweet hubby came home with this afternoon. Affectionately called our "Home Study." See, I told y'all, God was doing WORK! So much work however, that it is hard for me to type this post and not fall out into tears, the "ugly cry" tears.

So, how did you all come about choosing China? Well, China sorta chose us. It was the ONE place that Todd, kinda, sorta, told God we weren't going to go. And, well, because God is well...God. He kinda, sorta, told Todd, I  run "thangs" round these parts, and yes you will be going to China. And, I kinda, sorta, got to watch Todd eat a plate of crow. Which is SO unspiritual to blog about your husband eating crow BUT, lets be real. God needed me to see that, in order to know that it was HIS plan, and not ours.  And, I have told God he can use the eating crow example ANYTIME He wants to in the future.  Bless that man of mine. I love him, and  The Lord loves him, and was very gentle with him, while turning his heart. So, we are accepted & one day closer to bringing home some little feet!!

Ephesians 1:5 (NLT) " God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure."